I've decided to introduce a system of alerts, so that you can minimise unpleasant surprises, thereby maximising your FatSu pleasure. I'm not saying you're overly sensitive; it's not unreasonable that you might not want to find yourself suddenly reading about a horrific piece of animal cruelty when really you're just looking for tips on where to eat cheese. (If you just clicked that link though, you won't need this system; you have been warned; and there might be something a bit wrong with you. The cruelty is in paragraph two, you sick freak.)
Also, there are people who might not want to read about eating meat, or drinking alcohol, or pork products. And as my post titles are getting more and more obscure, it's harder to know what a post might contain. But I'm all for preparedness. I wish there was a warning system on books. Same as you might find 'contains nuts' on a menu, or a parental guidance advisory on a film. Books containing particularly heart-rending scenes, unhappy endings, and it-was-only-a-dream devices should all come with an appropriately-stickered cover. I was reading Sisters By A River recently, which is a brilliant account of the author's eccentric childhood in England, and she very helpfully titled one of her chapters, Some Sad Things About Animals. I skipped it gratefully and moved on to a description of a particularly awesome tree.
So below is the FatSu Alert Chart. I've tried to include as many things as I could think of that I might write and you wouldn't want to read. You'll be seeing these at the top of future posts, where applicable. Please take a look, and take it seriously, seeing as I went to the trouble of aligning the hat on the alcohol icon's head. And carefully photoshopping out the smile on the monkey to give it more of a lab-resident look. Do you know how depressing it is to trawl the internet for the correct size cartoon of a dead cow?