FatSu Tips: How to Stay Alive

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I am a woman. Except when I get a cold, like this nasty one I have now. Then I am a man, in the sense that when men are ill they turn into babies. I'm a woman-man-baby. That's as insightful as this post is likely to get with all the Tixylix pumping round my system.

Food should be able to cure me. I'm no Fruitarian, and nor do I believe - any longer - in the healing power of shop-bought supplements. (I should be a god by now, I necked so many multivits during my teens. And oils and algae powder and enzymes. Probably a whole mine's worth of zinc.) Food makes us feel good and keeps us alive, the only thing on earth that does both*. The Tixylix is for symptom-alleviation only; to expel all the disgusting germs from my body, I use carefully-selected foods, which are chosen based on strongly-held opinions formed over a lifetime of believing almost anything people tell me. It's pure coincidence that this nutritional approach takes exactly the same amount of time to work as a normal cold would to run its course.

Here is what I recommend:

Honey. One of the ones with flavour. I like the strong, earthy Yemeni ones in the kiosk just outside my shop in Muscat Grand Mall. A very nice man runs it and although we share no common language, he always calls me over to try new varieties, some massively expensive. A good honey is a real investment, although that sounds like a slogan for a dating service in the 50s. Those cheap ones only taste of sweet. You can drizzle an excellent honey on ricotta when you're feeling better (no cold cheeses now though! Only melted and hot), and when you're not you can load up your lemony hot water with it and feel it coat your throat and soothe your chest. 

Homemade broths and soups. These are excellent for keeping you nice and warm - you must eat, and then go to the sofa and keep the heat in your body by wrapping yourself in a blanket. There's a little added heat in the tortelloni broth, in the form of nduya, which is a fresh, spiced, sausage from Rome that is so soft it's spreadable and has a unique type of heat that turns up the volume on the flavour and flames up the palate, but doesn't burn or sting or make your eyes water.

Begum's. Everybody knows that curries make the blood pump more efficiently round your body and are full of spices that contain special atoms that fight flu and fever, so I called Begum's and asked for a delivery. They couldn't bear to listen to my wheezing croak, so they let me text in my directions - I liked that! I had a list of suggested dishes from the lovely people on Oman Restaurant Review, so I ordered them all plus a few more, and then for just OMR 11 I had five complete meals in my fridge. Bargain, tasty, highly effective, always better the next day, my takeaway stash was a brilliant idea that let me stay home and concentrate on gathering my failing strength to write this. I'm alive because of chicken malvani. Note in the photo the gentle glow of the TV reflecting off the takeaway bag - what a class act I am.

Spiced hot chocolate. Just before bed (and you must sleep with a hat on, to prevent the loss of heat necessary to boil the toxins to death) have cocoa with a pinch of chili flakes. Very Aztec, and you know they were quite efficient as a race. They knew what they were doing: you'll feel an instant hit of better. If you're starting to recover to the point that you can be seen in public, go and try the one they make at S&H Chocolate Lounge in Al Khuwair, it's piping hot and delicious. 

What you'll notice about all the above foods is that they taste really good and make you happy, as well as being scientifically proven to help relieve illness, and if not scientifically then anecdotally, or not at all. I'm going back to bed now.

*Is this true? It is! Food is the only fun essential. Water, air...essential yes, but not at all pleasurable. God I'm so bored of drinking water. What else do humans need? Gravity? I can take it or leave it myself.
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